Sunday, July 25, 2004

that old feeling.

It's strange how single people are generally less anal if they found the "love of a good woman/ man". i witnessed an old acquaintance who had been glowing from ear to ear having been recently attached. Terrance then told me his friend's "happy quotient" went up from 4 to 8 after finding his significant other. The challenge is not about love itself but rather about finding a good or right person who would give you that thing called LOVE. It was heartening to hear  and we were happy for him. The very same night, dora decided to find out about our own futures by bugging Jacky to read our palms.

I should  never have relented cos what he told me was something which i've feared most. that i was destined to be single for the rest of my life. I know i should not believe in such airy fairy predictions on my future but to have the same prediction over the last 9 years by 4 different people is indeed freaking me out.  And certain recent incidents had me pretty upset and angry at myself for being in a similar situation which i've sworn never to be in if i had the choice. and i HAD that choice. and i found myself crying during that night again.

kyle's parting words six years ago finally hit me. "You're too hard on yourself and your expectations of others. learn to let yourself go and someday you'll thank yourself for that." I never did quite understood what he meant but i think i do now. i've been pushing myself so very hard for the past 3 years and its toll had finally caught up. this insane need to prove myself to no one is driving me to up the wall. who am i proving and justifying myself to? me. because i cannot fail to...myself. i can now understand why Kyle left everything behind six years ago to pursue the life of a nomad. i was much younger then and could not forgive him for his seemingly selfish actions. but i do now. because it's totally fucked up staying here and knowing the constant would never change. 

bee wrote this at 9:10 PM

2peekaboos

2peekaboos

At 10:53 AM,  Anonymous said...

> totally fucked up staying here..

that's why i decided to take off. my work has kinda stagnated. and i know when i travel, i'll meet people who inspire. i'm also going to look for a wife. maybe live in a farm or something. hehe..of course not.

u know being a nomad is cool.

don't be so choosy lah. so many good guys around. or you really prefer to have those mail-order bridegroom from china?

museting

 

At 11:53 AM,  bee said...

yeah i reckon i'm being choosy. my mom told me so too but i dismissed it cos i thought she's fraid that i won't get married at all.

i'm only gonna take off when the PR gets approved. but right now, i'm staying put first to save all the money i can.

 

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