Tuesday, August 10, 2004
the fear
they've always said health is wealth. i never did gave that much thought until recently when my aunt's hospitalised. it's heartbreaking to see a strong lady broken down by ill health. i've tried avoiding going to the hospital for the longest time but i did twice the past weekend.her constant doodles and writings of adjectives/ verbs etc on her little notepad disturbed me. i later heard from mom that the medication would cause memory deterioration. i've always admired her strength and determination and even today. i would have broken down far earlier than she did and probably contemplate suicide cos i know i could never get thru all that and still find the strength to smile.
i've never been able to deal with hospital stress. the smell, the patients, the white coats, the screams of pain and cries of grief. my greatest fear is not dying itself. but not being able to die. lying in bed disfigured and paralysed. its most unfortunate euthanasia is not legalised in singapore. i would hate to lie in bed, not able to articulate or move yet hearing my loved ones comfort me . i would want to wake up and touch them and tell them not to worry and i'll be fine but will i be?
i saw a reality series on trauma recovery where this mexican girl was disfigured in a car accident (drunk driving by a stranger). her car was on fire and she suffered 60 to 70% burns. she wasn't expected to live but she did. her face had literally disappeared, melted under the extreme heat and her hands were reduced to stumps. it's horrifying and really heart wrenching watching her but she had so much, just so much courage and determination that i was in awe. she's currently undergoing facial reconstruction and i hope she makes it through. she had so much generousity that she even forgave the guy who knocked into her.
the wonder of some people in this world.
bee wrote this at 8:59 AM
