Wednesday, October 13, 2004
lost again.
something triggered me last night and i yearned to simply drop everything here for perth again. perhaps its the post event trauma where a month long of tedious planning finally wrapped up last nite. or it could be due to other factors. its like watching a monochrome movie played back and all emotions, personal and work just seemed like a flurry of images, exciting yet exhausting. whatever it is, i'm on the verge of giving up. there's only so much resolve i can hold onto at this wobbly stage of my life.but what would happen if i did? would i regret my impetuous actions and kick myself again? or would i finally let go of something which has been hurting sporadically? i don't know.
a close friend once told me "we'll cross the bridge when we get there". now...i'm sorry but who the fuck will know when will we get there? it could be now, tomorrow, next month or never. and watcha gonna do then? tell me sorry and wish i could've found happiness when you've had yours somewhere in between? or twiddle our thumbs and comb the white hair whilst still hanging onto something called hope? or perhaps do what i did again and simply walk away broken. young and broken is better than limping away old and broken...the things i do in life.
i can't cry and i won't. cos i'll end up hating myself all over again. and self-love is important cos you'll always have to be there for you cos no one else will.
bee wrote this at 8:46 AM
