Monday, November 15, 2004
pandora's box
what meant as an innocent tv chill out to sex and the city left me a twinge of bitter aftertaste. perhaps bitter's the wrong word. poignant may be a better choice. and so i flew home at 120km/hr across the PIE and winding roads of paya lebar with glassy eyes. sped so fast till i almost scratched the sides of my dear mpv against a killer truck filled with petroleum. fucking idiot that i am. but it woke me up in that instant and the reflexes calmed to a mere 60km/hr. did i digress? yes. likewise protaganist carrie bradshaw i haven't had exactly perfect relationships to speak with in the past and i reckon i'm part of that problem. it's not that i don't open myself to talking and getting things off my chest. i do talk. but only at the right moment after analysing the complete situation. and sometimes, things may be a tad too late after all that 24 hour logical scrutiny. at times, i've always wondered why i'm always the immediate filler after THE ONE. why am i always a step late? and like carrie's fears, i don't like opening boxes. the fear of setting free crates of worms freak me out. but then again, how can i be progressive in any relationship if i'm not brave enough to look into pandora's little box of secrets? it may not be a can of worms. it may be a lovely musical box with a ballerina dancing to pachelbel? or it maybe nothing at all? what am i afraid of? the fear of losing the race? the moment of realisation that something which i've yearned for is no longer in sight. yes. that's my fear.bee wrote this at 2:15 AM
