Tuesday, February 08, 2005
a new year 2005, a new hope?
the sim home lacks cheer this year cos of grandma's recent passing in Jan. In fact, 2004 hadn't been a good year as my dearest ah-yee (mom's sister whom i used to travel with) had passed away too. out of respect for grandma's religon (taoism), the sim family had decided to take on a 100 day mourning period where we're not allowed to:- partake in cheery festivities (new year celebrations, baby showers etc)
- wear red
- do anything that may be considered extravagant (renovating house etc)
- visit friends' homes (you're apparently not allowed to step into people's homes cos you bring bad luck?)
but little ms sim, being the agnostic free thinker that she has been since her teens, started visiting friends' homes (well, they're either christians or free thinkers who don't believe in such superstition) and wearing pink (close to red). as a matter of respect to buddhist and superstitious friends, i would let them know and if they're not comfortable, they would most likely hold their silence and i'll take heed from there.
i've always respected people with religons and even envied them for having someone to believe in and look up to for guidance. i chose to be agnostic as i believed in logical reasoning. i chose to believe in what i witness with my own eyes. events have occured and many initial thoughts have been shattered by some facts. then again, i've kept an open mind in exploring new ways of discovering faith by attending bible studies, reading books on why God is at times silent, attempting to go for mass during xmas, exploring Hindu temples for that peace and occasionally praying at Buddhist temples (my folks are buddhist converts, they used to be free thinkers too). i'm a darn chap-pa-lang salad when it comes to religon.
my faith in God has always been sporadic. but that's my fault cos i've not reached that plateau where i see God as someone giving me strength, encouragement and unwavering guidance. I see God right now as a supreme being, someone up there watching over yet not knowing what role he plays in our lives watching destruction go by. but that's probably man's fault for being greedy. is that a sign of divine intervention that edits mankind's "positive and negative behaviour"? that's the basis of every war ain't it? wanting to control, wanting to dictate, wanting more and more and more with each victory that they no longer remember what they seek in the first place.
i'm not anti-God and am no way an atheist. i'm only but one of the lost ones still meandering around in search of that one thing to keep her strength and resolve which had failed her at times.
bee wrote this at 9:18 AM
