Friday, January 06, 2006
of lousy days and lost sheep
here she is attempting to write a coherent post despite having severe stomach pains.so how was your day you ask?
fucked up. i rather not talk about it. whatever. i had to get it off my chest anyway. what makes a bad day?
...taking orders from someone who's an order taker (no questions asked)
...taking the rap for something which you've been trying to alert people on but "unfortunately" fell on deaf ears and became erm, your fault again?
...taking time to play despatch to the other side of the island during peak hours forgoing the many crucial todos in the office only to wind up listening to someone lecture her for twenty minutes for not mothering some brattish people enough ie distribute costumes with XX around the department when she had more important things to rush for? given sufficient time she've done that as well to score some brownie points but there just wasn't any luxury for that
...firefighting under mindless political gunfire instead of doing useful thinking work
...thinking some people are mature and sensible enough to understand that shit does happen and believe in teamwork at the end of the day
...finding herself in a situation where she can't change set behaviours and mindsets, so it's either she leaves OR she withers
...losing her spirit not cos of dark skies faced at work but lack of support from some close people
...ending the day with a curt phone call
the only things that made her smile today were
...phone catchup with celine over lunch
...good lunch at aromas
...silly nonsensical email from client
this is the first time in her entire life where she's not exactly enthusiastic about a friday/holiday cos honestly, it doesn't even feel like one at this point in time. spirit trampled, anger subsiding to resignation, heart turning heavy, gastric returning.
it's been a long week.
yes, the situation's not as tough as what she had before or what many others are going through but her soul is just not made of rock at this point in time. not everybody has a focus point in their life. sometimes they may have had but lost it along the way. sometimes they're born knowing what they want. sometimes they never do find it.
not knowing what you want in life doesn't make you any less than someone who is focused. it simply means you need more help and support meandering your way through hoping someday the light will shine and you'll finally know what your purpose on earth or in life is.
baaa. baaa. baaa.
and the sheep jumped over the cliff.
bee wrote this at 11:09 PM
