Monday, August 30, 2004
memories
me and celine at st kilda's melbourne
they say the only way to be happy is to forget. but isn't remembering part of being happy too? i left many many untouched memories in australia and i try not to face it still. i tried it many times by revisiting perth and melbourne twice each year and yet the lapse in happy moments seem to come and go.
my friends are bored of hearing me going to australia each time i'm on vacation. but i guess they didn't realise it was the place where i "grew up". a place where i valued independence. i discovered freedom. i developed character. i found things i didn't even realise i had in me. i found "myself".
it's the place where i visit to feed my soul.
bee wrote this at 9:57 PM
Sunday, August 22, 2004
surveys or scams?
i was walking along the streets of orchard today and was approached by the throng of surveyors. they probably had a shittier day than i did with the typical "avoid all eye contact when approached by people with survey forms" singaporeans. full of sympathy for these guys, i've decided to complete the survey thinking i could leave after fulfilling the 6 questions.but no. i was entitled to a scratchy. and guess what? i WON a week long free hotel (five/ four star) stay anywhere in the world. the 2 surveyors were nonetheless extremely excited and happy (not for me though). i discovered these dudes get an additional $150 bonus should their surveyees get the top prizes. oh ok. so we are all shiny happy people now.
but no again. i now have to proceed to heeren and sit in for an hour long presentation on touring australia and spain. ok. i don't have time for an hour. to my horror (and god knows why i'm not surprised), the dudes used emotional blackmail (or so i conclude) by giving me their most pathetic expressions.
"miss belynda, i really wish you can make some time for the hour long presentation cos we won't be able to get the full $150 should you not register now"
"i don't have time for one hour. perhaps i can go with you now and stay for 15 min and explain to them my personal reasons for leaving early."
" oh no no, cannot. we will get scolded and not receive any bonus like that."
"so u expect me to walk to heeren now (at rolex building now) and sit there for an hour presuming i don't have plans for meeting someone else or doing more constructive things?"
i'm not angry at these guys. i'm simple mad at their management for such stupid gimmicks. i'm sorry but this is ridiculous. using the pretext of survey and prizes and "forcing" people to attend talks on-the-spot pisses me off. but i feel sorry for the guys so i will actually make a trip down next sat, "register", and give myself that hour to assess and conclude my initial suspicions of a scam. if it proves right, i will not hestitate to tell the organisers that they are a bunch of bollocks. and if they are for real, then woo hoo bali, here i come.
bee wrote this at 10:13 PM
love song dedications
i've always wondered why people like to ring radio stations up and say totally personal things like "kath baby, im sorry. won't u forgive me, i love you and i'll wait for you". erm. so what are we to think after you've just proclaimed yourself as a bastard over national radio? are you trying to garner public sympathy or simply taking the easy way out by announcing a few sweet words and sappy bon jovi or westlife instead of sitting down to analyse where you've been wrong and make amends from there?you may suggest that i'm a hard hearted, cynical and judgmental bitch but really, if i ever made a mistake bad enough to make my partner avoid me, i would drive to his house and wait downstairs rain or shine and beg his forgiveness ala stereotypical man forgives woman standing in the rain yadda yadda. (i'm serious) nothing can be solved without a proper understanding of what went wrong. everyone needs some form of closure to get on with their lives.
mass communicating dirty love laundry. yikes. if i'm ready to forgive someone for their mistake, this would be the reason for giving them the flick. Nothing worse than picking the pieces of a broken heart as well as the burden of embarassment.
bee wrote this at 9:34 PM
Thursday, August 19, 2004
KL
mak and bee
one of my favourite pictures taken in KL just before we headed back here (we almost missed the bus tho). kl was excellent for the food and gosh...the alcohol...champs for S$10? its friggin amazing...good thing we were only there for the weekend or i would've insisted that we move to bangsar itself. haha.
bee wrote this at 10:11 PM
Narcissism
bee's self side portrait
for some weird reason, i've always enjoyed taking side portraits of people, in particular myself. and no, i'm not in love with myself yet. but it's fascinating how a person can look more attractive from a certain angle as opposed to the conventional frontal positioning. diva mariah carey only takes pictures from her left cos her right apparently displayed more flaws? though i seriously can't tell the difference [ it's like one of those trick spot-the-difference].
personally, i prefer my side portrait cos it seems to take at least 2kg off. hell, i sound like that narcissist steven lim now don't i ? but really, that dude can be quite entertaining despite his annoying OTT demeanour. it's one of those "i can't fucking believe this guy's for real". he's so bad he's good! i like that. not many people can get away with that can they?
bee wrote this at 9:41 PM
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
18 august. my nightmare.
of my four years in the crazy blood pressurising role of a suit in ad agencies, i've always managed to convey positivity by managing "expectations" of the sometimes difficult client. weighing decisions and making sure priorities are maintained.for the first time in these fours years have i ever felt this lost and miserable. in my anxiety to keep the client at bay, i've broken servicing rule 101. NEVER MAKE PROMISERY CLAIMS. but i did. and i'm now finding myself in the most frustrating position due to my lack of efficiency in management.
why? cos i could've avoided all these shit if
i used my reliable supplier and earned less profit.
i HAD more time keeping a tighter hold on the planning.
i had the extra help i've been screaming for from the project's inception.
my superiors understood i'm only me. and me is not enough to take all these by herself as much as she would've liked to. cos she is human and is prone to the occasional forgetfulness due to undue stress.
above all that, the saddest part was not being able to rest my tired body physically and mentally. i discovered to my horror this morning that my swollen calves were not as minor as thought of initially. its apparently a vein inflammation which could lead to two possible scenarios. superficial venous inflammation or the fatal venous thrombosis (blood clots in the veins which could lead to paralysis). its scared the shit outta me sitting along waiting to take my blood tests and ultrascan. with blessings, the blood clots were negative.
thinking to take an early dinner and retiring home to rest the calves, my client called me and expressed utter displeasure at the way i've managed her important event. true enough, my prodigal supplier had outdone himself with the shoddy setup. i truly didn't blame my client one bit cos i would've skinned my agency alive if i was in her shoes. so at 7.30pm, i found myself running between the streets of chinatown looking for oriental tablecloths with my swollen legs. standing in the middle of trengganu street feeling lost and desponent at my desperate attempt at salvaging the poor setup deco, i broke down and cried in the middle of the street with hundred pairs of curious eyes staring.
i've never felt so lousy before and have never shed so many tears in a day in public in my entire life. but i did today. and in front of a truly sweet man. embarrassment poured outta me. but i was really grateful for his company and his strength for that moment. it helped alot sweetie. it did.
bee wrote this at 10:51 PM
Thursday, August 12, 2004
bee's sullen face
bee wrote this at 11:09 PM
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
who does the email headers for...
viagra and related sites?i'm curious. do they have full time copywriters working on a brief to that? do they have creative directors doing up a concept before the copy's developed? half the time, the copy's full of grammatical errors and some of them are so totally funny and corny they made my fingers itch to click open the likely-to-be-virus-infected sex mail.
"let him run wild"
"i feel great miracle"
"you should see her smile"
"never be embarrassed again"
"old girls and very active"
"look but don't touch"
"she's happy now"
as you can tell, i get tons of spam mails cos i did the ultimate stupid thing of signing up for newletters at some psychology sites who probably sold my profile to the idiotic spamers. although i have to admit these silly headers do put a smile on my face when i'm upset *haha*
bee wrote this at 10:31 PM
swearwords
swearwords: n. word considered obscene or blasphemous.when angry, count four. when very angry, swear - mark twain
strange. i've never hesitated to count till four before swearing. my first swear word was fuck and i was eight then. my mom chased me round the house with a cane and i didn't utter the word until my late teens. in fact, i never knew i was a swearer until my ex art directors imitated my identifiable form of swearing: FUCK. i cursed alot when i was a suit. advertising makes you short tempered. in fact, it made you nasty.
in the creative department i say fuck. in the media corner, i say "ta ma de". fortunately, i had very civil workmates in the production and studio departments (fairly unusual i should say). in the accounts deparment, i DO NOT swear at all cos i'm always late in submitting claims. so, i guess i'm bilingual after all. i can curse in malay too (of which i learnt from my previous account director who swore at EVERYTHING).
it was kinda hilarious looking back cos i'm pretty sure my tow kay GM would be mortified to discover this crude side of his sweet demure suits. but that's also cos he's never been subjected to the silly whims and fancies and worse yet, stupidity of certain clients. then again, i had a cool client who cursed more than i did. he says fuck more often than not but in a sociable way.
for instance
to express dismay (fuck...downward inflection)
to express joy (fuck! brightly)
to express anger (FUCK! show finger)
to express surprise (fuck...ala "no shit" lean backwards, slow and steady with deep breaths)
fuck is the universal word for swearing. we've even created hand gestures in case we cannot hear the swearing. eg, when u're in the car and wanna curse the moron who almost scratched the paint off your sides. what do you do? give him the middle finger. or slam your fist into your palm. or if u're still ladylike in that situation, simply use a v- shaped peace gesture but flash it with the back of your hand facing the receiver. you can use the word or gesture any where in the world and still be understood (and punched in the face). isn't it simply amazing? Its global yet local.
i used to and still wonder about the person who first coined the word fuck. how did he or she create such a significant word that could release our daily frustrations and anger? how fascinating it would be coining swearwords as a career. maybe retired or jaded copywriters should experiment with that. i think they'll have plenty of unleased potential. till then, i'm mighty happy swearing fuck.
bee wrote this at 9:36 PM
the stupid things that i do- part i
i've done myself injustice by being lazy. as usual, i refused to troop over to amoy street market to buy good and cheap lunch and instead bought the next available "special of the day"item from a kopitiam opposite the road. guess what the special was?mee rebus.
yes. the sticky gooey yellow noodles with oodles of fried onions and dozens of chives which i absolutely detest. the tedious removal of "toppings" made me dizzy already. i'm so ready for cheezels lunch tomorrow. or perhaps for dinner tonite.
i've not touched that yellow goo for at least 5 years. and here i am grandly pissing myself off by buying a lunch which i know i wouldn't touch.
the stupid things that i do.
bee wrote this at 1:46 PM
the fear
they've always said health is wealth. i never did gave that much thought until recently when my aunt's hospitalised. it's heartbreaking to see a strong lady broken down by ill health. i've tried avoiding going to the hospital for the longest time but i did twice the past weekend.her constant doodles and writings of adjectives/ verbs etc on her little notepad disturbed me. i later heard from mom that the medication would cause memory deterioration. i've always admired her strength and determination and even today. i would have broken down far earlier than she did and probably contemplate suicide cos i know i could never get thru all that and still find the strength to smile.
i've never been able to deal with hospital stress. the smell, the patients, the white coats, the screams of pain and cries of grief. my greatest fear is not dying itself. but not being able to die. lying in bed disfigured and paralysed. its most unfortunate euthanasia is not legalised in singapore. i would hate to lie in bed, not able to articulate or move yet hearing my loved ones comfort me . i would want to wake up and touch them and tell them not to worry and i'll be fine but will i be?
i saw a reality series on trauma recovery where this mexican girl was disfigured in a car accident (drunk driving by a stranger). her car was on fire and she suffered 60 to 70% burns. she wasn't expected to live but she did. her face had literally disappeared, melted under the extreme heat and her hands were reduced to stumps. it's horrifying and really heart wrenching watching her but she had so much, just so much courage and determination that i was in awe. she's currently undergoing facial reconstruction and i hope she makes it through. she had so much generousity that she even forgave the guy who knocked into her.
the wonder of some people in this world.
bee wrote this at 8:59 AM
Thursday, August 05, 2004
quotations to chew on
was filing my previous writings and found an interesting list of quotes which i really liked.THE NEW PLEDGE I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States Against Anything Un-American, and to the Republicans for which it stands, two nations, under Jesus, rich against poor, with curtailed liberty and justice for all* *Except blacks, homosexuals, women who want abortions, Communists, welfare queens, treehuggers, feminazis, illegal immigrants, children of illegal immigrants, and you if you don't watch your step
-unknown
If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
-Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
{Hullo, if you can't convince, confuse?}
"The paradox of our time in history is that we spend more, but have less. we have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. we have more degrees but less sense, more medicine, but less wellness. we drink too much, smoke too much, laugh too little, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. we've learned how to make a living, but not a life. we've done larger things, but not better things. big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. these are the days of two incomes but more divorces fancier houses, but broken homes. say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak and give time to share."
-George Carlin
bee wrote this at 11:04 PM
Lusting after sexy concrete
haig park circle, east perth
was running a search on potential homes in melbourne and perth when i came across this beauty nestled on prime land, East Perth (also known for its yuppies). swan river and millpoint are other breathtaking areas where their apartments overlook the ally mcbealish city skylines and rivers. she's worth a hefty AUD$769k , reasonably cost effective compared to Singapore's $700k where you buy a 4 room condo and curse yourself silly for fighting pool space on sat morns?
i've always wanted to live in manhattan or san francisco. overlooking a city of concrete buildings and its thousands of lit lights. the busy boulevard. a city where there can be millions of people yet none that i know of. strangely, i find that rather comforting knowing there're people around and moving beside me so i never feel alone.
there was this article i found in an mag bout 4 years back where they defined city residence as "capsule living". they discovered an increasingly large number of young people clamouring to the loft apartments with an ideal that living alone is the means to happiness (jeez). ala the mantra of "be who you want to be". unfortunately for us babies of gen X (or perhaps "lau chiao" of gen Y) , the cost of living and lack of space in singapore does not allow us the freedom of capsule living without the choking price.
take a look at SOHO (corner of river valley opp MITA) as the perfect example. lovely place but can we really afford that (unless of cos we're sons and daughters of OBS and the like)? and if we do find a place we can afford, can we not guarantee it's a flat in some absurd area of singapore where we still share lifts with stale pee and poke at phlegm covered lift buttons?
now...i've digressed from my sexy concrete have i not?
bee wrote this at 10:08 PM
junk i thank thee
i've always had a simple philosophy when it comes to filling my stomach. anything goes. i love junk food. super size me (i missed that one) whatever. i adore my fries, chicken nuggets and the occasional KFC. junk snacks rock. as a matter of fact, i'm having tomato twisties for breakfast with chet baker playing the sax. i'm gonna get alot of flak for having that as brekkie but hell, they're outta this world. do u not see me smiling from ear to ear right now?bee wrote this at 9:08 AM
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
a man's gotta drink what a man's gotta drink
"so what u gonna have?" bee"hmmm...not sure" dom
"hurry up, waiter's round the corner" bee
"can't decide. shirley temple or pussy foot." dom
".........." bee
it's dom's right to order whatever tickles his fancy but at that moment i was at a loss for words. there's absolutely nothing wrong with a man ordering cocktails (why not? i had male friends sipping martinis with me) but the femininity of that particular drink almost made me choke on the gordy remains of my heineken. here i am, a feminine bod downing pints of beer and my buddy across the table is deciding on a shirley or pussy foot..*hehe* if i didn't feel butch before, i do now.
no offence to u dom, i still lurv u lar *haha*
bee wrote this at 11:07 AM
bewitched, bothered and bewildered
had a strange dream last night. dreamt of an old friend and he played the sax to "bewitched, bothered and bewildered". *digressing: cher and rod stewart did a beautiful rendition of this song* he's never played the sax to my knowledge but he did last night. we had a long conversation at the jazz bar and updated each other on our current life happenings whilst it was snowing outside. its quite amazing really cos i haven't seen him in years and was wondering if he was still alive with his devil may care backpacking nomadic life.i woke up with puffy eyes and could've sworn i had a slight hangover and the lingering notes of sax buzzing in my ears.
bee wrote this at 9:55 AM
Monday, August 02, 2004
are you chinese?
i had a mortifying cab experience this morning."Xiao qie, yao chi na li? cabbie uncle
"er...chi amoy street"
"amoy street na li?" cabbie
" amoy street er....next to telok ayer street..."
" ni shi hua ren mah? ni de hua yu hao xiang bu yi yang oh..." cabbie
he then went on and on about how competent and impressive some japanese and caucasians are in mandarin and yet i'm chinese and not able to converse without breaking into english again. the rude man proceeded to snigger after his annoying lecture on yellow people who can't speak proficient mandarin.
instead of being annoyed at the sodding rude ass driver, i felt embarrassment pouring out of my yellow skin. an american born chinese can certainly be excused for his non-fluency but a singaporean chinese like me doesn't have a valid excuse does she?
or is it cos i grew up in a non-chinese speaking household? my dad speaks mandarin like a white man. my mom speaks mainly cantonese. and my grand folks rattle off in cantonese and hokkien. so where's the mandarin? or does it really matter how accurate we articulate our words as long as the listener grasps the gist?
what does being chinese mean? Am i being defined as "Hi. I'm yellow and i speak kick ass mandarin."
bee wrote this at 6:48 PM
Sunday, August 01, 2004
baby vs adult: what's your personality then?
mighty eight pound bee with her mommy
she's the best mom around and probably is the only one who can take my shit and still love me. i'll bet she's got absolutely no idea what a little terror she's got cuddled in her arms then.
but of cos, my cheery policy's part of my current PR personality as seen. apparently, my irritation with crying babies began when i was a teeny one year old. mom said i used to turn around and stare/glare at screaming babies (but only cos they irked me with the noise i reckon).
oh, and i got mommy free bus rides cos the bus inspectors adored the flirty baby. my folks were worried bout the silliest things. they thought i was "slightly retarded" cos i was a late walker. but they later discovered it was plain laziness and i would only crawl if necessary (pacifer as dangling carrot). as like now, i'll only walk if necessary. *i like to think of it as street smart, why work out so much when you can get people to carry you around?*
and the funniest part was my remote interest in playing "kitchen" (cooking and pots). now who said you can't tell the personality of a person through their early years?
bee wrote this at 9:03 PM
another beer guzzling nite
me, mak, ernest, abigael and bryan
i've not had as much beer as i had last friday at balaclava. in fact, it was also a night of irresponsible ciggie consumption. i presume my predicted long live would be shortened by five years now.
i know i know. QUIT the ciggies. with the $45 saved every month, i could buy a bott of decent red wine. i think i should start right now. the unopened pack of superslims shall stay as a memoir . or perhaps it would remain as my lifeboat when the sea gets rough some day. but for now, i'll need a strong mind and companion to keep them away.
bee wrote this at 8:41 PM
Mommy dearest
mommy to be jiayi
met my old girl friend (since we were 13 years old) who flew back from HK last Thurs. it was a surprise cos she came back five months pregnant! it's kinda shocking and weird to see an old mate as a preggie now. she's the first amongst us to tie her vows and here she is again, leading the pack with a little one. she was like fine china to us that day. we've never had the opportunity to be around anyone pregnant so we ended up being idiotic with our overly deliberate carefulness.
she's mellowed down alot and its a small wonder how being a mommy can change one's personality.
oh well, it'll be a long and winding road to motherhood for the rest of us.
bee wrote this at 8:40 PM
